The Forbidden Dance
by TheDodos
Summary: the squires have a dance social... but it goes wrong. horribly horribly wrong!!!!
1. Default Chapter

This is set during the period of time when Kel is a squire. 

~1~

Lord of the Dance

They all hated her. She knew it. Kel was frustrated. All those eyes were on her, probably imagining her being eaten by wild boars or something. It wasn't really her fault. Neal had done it. She was just in the way of everyone's hopes. 

She finally decided that two could play at this staring game. She stared daggers at Neal. He just stared back. "Humph" snorted Kel in anger.

Like most middle/high school dance socials went, the boys stuck to one side of the ballroom and the girls – girl – stuck to the other. She didn't even like dances, Kel thought angrily. There were about 45 to 50 boys on the wall opposite to her. She looked on either side of her, hoping that a miracle had happened. But no. No lovely ladies were there. Just like the last 18 times Kel had checked.

It wasn't my fault, she thought.

************************************************************************

…"Which is why I propose a squire/page dance." Said Neal.

"Uh ha…. And when do you suppose to have this ...dance." said Lord Wyldon, skeptically.

"Tomorrow."

Kel shook her head. Neal had met yet another young lady whom he wished to woo. This dance was all part of his elaborate scheme to get the poor woman in to bed.

"Tomorrow eh? Well I don't see why not. Squires and Pages only of course."

"Of course. Oh and the court ladies."

"Now wait just a minute! That was never part of our agreement. We have a lady-squire here, You don't need court ladies."

Neal was speechless.

"Go… have your dance."

"Um… Sir…. I don't really want to go…" Kel was interrupted.

"Not go? You will do as I say! I and I say you will go!"

The group of squires left his office glumly.

************************************************************************

Yesss….all Neal's fault….Kel's thoughts were interrupted by a strange sight. Cleon was walking toward her.

"may I have this dance?" he said grinning like a fox.

"Oh fine! I don't care! Can you dance me to the door?" was the reply.

They went onto the floor, dancing.

Slowly….Very slowly, couples started to join them. Boys went onto the floor, hand in hand. It was a fast song, but soon it turned into a slow one. It was a beautiful sight. Pages' head's upon squires' chest's. everyone was getting very close.

The song sped up. Then the rubbing began…. Pelvises were banging together. The boys and young men were humping the floor and each other…Kel was backing slowly toward the door watching in horror. She thought Cleon was behind her… but Cleon's little soldier couldn't keep itself contained he ran and jumped on top of Neal.

"YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" he cried. 

Kel was frightened. She ran to the door. But Lord Wyldon was there blocking her way.

He didn't seem to see her. He gave an evil laugh.

**"Mwahahahahahaahaahaaaahahaahahha!!!!! Excelent! EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!**" he screamed.

To be continued….


	2. Of Magic Mice and Gay Men

D/N(for all those who don't know d/n does not = daine/numair, but Dodo's Note): ok, I've gone completely insane…..i don't what the hell I'm doin with this story.

~2~

Of Magic Mice and Gay Men

"Lord Wyldon!" gasped Kel, clearly shocked.

"Yes milady?" he said sardonically.

She shook her head in confusion, tried to walk past him but he blocked her way.

"Lord Wyldon?…" she was scared now.

"Do not looked so frighted. No harm will come to you…no, no harm at all…" he drooled. "You see, lady Keladry, this my master plan all along. Knowing of your friends fondness for fondling… I sent my own grandniece to the palace to…how should I put it?…arouse him with pleasure… so that he would ask for a dance. Withholding all the court ladies I have driven them to such a point of homosexual gaydom, that no one would notice a missing squiress."

By now the pianoist had stopped playing and joined the throng. All that could be heard now were moans. Kel's face was a mixture of horror and rage.

"Yes my lovely rose," said the ugly knight, "you shall come to my bed…and bear me a love child!"

"NEVER!" screamed Kel, and kicked him in the nuts. She thought this would make him collapse but he didn't move, and he grinned.

"didn't anybody here tell you about my injury? I had my left testicle removed once it was infected with gangrene… it was replaced with a hollow steel ball that was filled with tear gas…"pink clouds start coming from Wyldon's codpiece and he started tearing up immeadiatly.

This was kel's chance and she knew it. Wyldon would recover shortly she knew… but where could she go…..

Just then sumthing skittered over her shoes. She looked down and say seven mice… one of which was giving birth to a litter of 11.

"EWEY! EWEY! EWY!!!!!!!! MICE!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!" kel screamed, she had rodentphobia.

One of the mice jumped up and became a coachman, while the others started to sing:

"Kellarelly Kellarelly!"

"Get into that large and rotting pumpkin quick! It's 10 after midnite!!!! If u don't get in it in minus 10 minutes we'll be trapped in wonderland forever!"

Kel becoming a total ditz (aka Kelly) said: "Okay!" and got into the giant (1st prize winner at the country fair for largest pumpkin) rotten pumpkin. Only to find alanna and jon making passionate love in the back seat just like in titanic….

Alanna: Alright! We're lovers! We cannot deny our love any longer!

Jon: what? I thought u said just tonight! What happened to no strings attached???

Kel (Kelly): EWY! Old people in the sac… or pumpkin! *giggles at own stupid joke*

Alanna: I'M PREGNANT WITH JONATHIN'S LOVE CHILD! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

Wyldon: (wiping his eyes and peering into the pumpkin) Why does everybody have one of those but me????!!!!!

Kelly: Cause maybe like…. Your like an ugly fuckin bald guy… like…. Duh!

(shout from ballroom, sounds like cleon, but too slurred by alchohol to be sure):Hey…Kel! Comes an join da partay…hehe!!!!!!!!!

All of a sudden Kel snapped back to her senses: Who am I? I'm Spiderman.

Jon: Um… nobody asked who you were Mindelan.

To be continued…

Is kel stuck in a perpetual vortex of insanity???? Has the writers brain imploded with loconess????????? What the hell is going on you might ask… does it have a secret inner plot????? The answer: NO. It's 1:00 am and I am bored as shit and I have no fuckin idea what I'm doing. Please HELP! Don't make me get my friend to sing the beatle's song to you!!! Anyway… if u can find anyway to rectify this horribly twisted plot please write to me at Dodo22Geek@netscape.net

--big DODO


End file.
